I’m never on this thing;probably because it reminds me of depressed times, pondering depressed thoughts. I have come such a long way since this time last year. I was in a psych ward for major depression, EDNOS and anxiety. I tried to kill myself. I felt worthless, helpless, hopeless and like a burden to every person I came in contact with. I remember that first day in the G-Unit. I spent a lot of time in the ER because thats how the whole process worked. Then I sat in my room in the ward for hours, my mom finally left around 6pm and I was left with a roommate who was elderly and walls that would probably drive me crazy. I stayed in my room until one of the night staff nurses made me come out for nightly wrap up so I could meet the other patients. My journey really started then when I met all the wonderful people, Paul, Peter, Joy, Anne, but the real friends didn’t come until later that night. I met Stephanie and Irene at breakfast the next morning. We had an instant connection. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into by checking myself in. We had breakfast at 8, lunch at 12 dinner at 6 and therapy in between all the way until wrap up around 8pm. It was an intense week and a half but only the beginning of my journey. I then entered PHP at La Selva, and spent a good 8 weeks there working on myself. I had the best therapist who helped me through it all, she would let me just sit in her office and cry when I needed to, she would eat lunch with me to make sure I ate, but to make sure I had a friend. I cant get over the life long friendships that I made by doing this. I worked my ASS off every day. I still do. 

Today I sit here in my little home that I share with my boyfriend.Happier than I have ever been. I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore. The depressed parts come, the anxiety is still here, and  I have my weak moments with my eating, but I work hard every day to not give in. 

The worst part of all this is the negativity people respond with,saying that I never was sick, or that I did it all for attention. I wish it was that. I wish that that was my actual path, it saddens me that these comments came from people I once confided in. 

I am happy, I love life, and myself. 

Every time my period is late (which is every month), I am scared I am pregnant. But then I remember I fucked up my system by not eating for the majority of my life. Then I get scared; scared that I will be infertile. Because I mean when I checked myself into the psych ward that was one of the first things they told me. “You know if you continue this you may not be able to have children.” Then they told me it will probably be hard to get pregnant, and keep the pregnancy. I don’t want children now. I have years of school left, but I am scared. What did I do?

I wish that more people would support my relationship. I am so over friends thinking I am “moving too fast”, or that “I don’t really know him” or hating on the man I have chose without even knowing him. It disgusts me, and is really just showing me who my real friends are. 

…and they lived happily ever after 💗 @fabz63  (at Sorcerer’s Workshop)

…and they lived happily ever after 💗 @fabz63 (at Sorcerer’s Workshop)

My life is about to change!  (at The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Undersea Adventure)

My life is about to change! (at The Little Mermaid: Ariel’s Undersea Adventure)

Checking out our dream home 😍 Honey hard at work! @fabz63  (at Innoventions)

Checking out our dream home 😍 Honey hard at work! @fabz63 (at Innoventions)

Look, I found Grumpy!! @fabz63

Look, I found Grumpy!! @fabz63

I’m one lucky lady! 😍 💐 #driedflowers #bestboyfriend #imspoiled #collection @fabz63

I’m one lucky lady! 😍 💐 #driedflowers #bestboyfriend #imspoiled #collection @fabz63

Singing in the rain? ☔🎤 @fabz63

Singing in the rain? ☔🎤 @fabz63

1 week until our getaway! So excited I need to wear my Disney gear already! #disneyobsessed #mickey #minnie #1week

1 week until our getaway! So excited I need to wear my Disney gear already! #disneyobsessed #mickey #minnie #1week