I’m never on this thing;probably because it reminds me of depressed times, pondering depressed thoughts. I have come such a long way since this time last year. I was in a psych ward for major depression, EDNOS and anxiety. I tried to kill myself. I felt worthless, helpless, hopeless and like a burden to every person I came in contact with. I remember that first day in the G-Unit. I spent a lot of time in the ER because thats how the whole process worked. Then I sat in my room in the ward for hours, my mom finally left around 6pm and I was left with a roommate who was elderly and walls that would probably drive me crazy. I stayed in my room until one of the night staff nurses made me come out for nightly wrap up so I could meet the other patients. My journey really started then when I met all the wonderful people, Paul, Peter, Joy, Anne, but the real friends didn’t come until later that night. I met Stephanie and Irene at breakfast the next morning. We had an instant connection. I really had no idea what I was getting myself into by checking myself in. We had breakfast at 8, lunch at 12 dinner at 6 and therapy in between all the way until wrap up around 8pm. It was an intense week and a half but only the beginning of my journey. I then entered PHP at La Selva, and spent a good 8 weeks there working on myself. I had the best therapist who helped me through it all, she would let me just sit in her office and cry when I needed to, she would eat lunch with me to make sure I ate, but to make sure I had a friend. I cant get over the life long friendships that I made by doing this. I worked my ASS off every day. I still do.
Today I sit here in my little home that I share with my boyfriend.Happier than I have ever been. I don’t have suicidal thoughts anymore. The depressed parts come, the anxiety is still here, and I have my weak moments with my eating, but I work hard every day to not give in.
The worst part of all this is the negativity people respond with,saying that I never was sick, or that I did it all for attention. I wish it was that. I wish that that was my actual path, it saddens me that these comments came from people I once confided in.
I am happy, I love life, and myself.